Barb the Impaler

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After the triple-high I enjoyed over the past few days, it was time for me to be brought down. Yesterday, I had my weekly electrolysis appointment—that lovely hour where this process

Insert electrified needle. Zap. Yank out hair.
Insert electrified needle. Zap. Yank out hair.
Insert electrified needle. Zap. Yank out hair.

is repeated about three hundred times.

Is it any wonder I call her Barb the Impaler?

Before we got down to business, I showed my article to her. She hadn’t purchased a copy yet, so she was happy to see it. I had told her that she was getting a mention, but I did not tell her what I had written. Here is what I wrote:

“Once a week, I see a kind woman named Barb Clayton in Castleton for an hour of electrolysis on my beard. Because the hundreds of hairs she zaps in each session have me wincing in pain, our chats help the hour pass. Barb has become a friendly shoulder on which to cry, a perk given that I am only about halfway through the three-year electrolysis process.”

Well, I’ll be, but she smiled, thanked me for such lovely words, and kissed me on the cheek!

I said, “Let’s take a picture for my blog.” Thirty pictures later, we finally had one that was acceptable (above), though she was whining about her neck looking all wrinkly. Most of the rest of the pictures were more like this one (below) in which we are cracking up laughing.

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Everything I said about Barb is true. We have now spent sixty-two hours together. From “Insert electrified needle. Zap. Yank out hair.” number one, we hit it off. We spend much of each hour making each other laugh as we yack, yack, yack through the appointment. Of course, she’s busy poking at my face, so I have to keep pretty still. Sometimes, though, we get yucking it up so hard that she has to pause as we both work through our hysterics.

I reminded Barb that I gave her the good press in my article which I had promised, and suggested that in return I should get a nifty discount from now on. She just kept zapping, as if I’d not said a word. Just like an Impaler!

Appointment finished, I exited the Impaler’s and entered my Impala. Heading home, I plotted how I would get even with her through my blog:

Insert Gina’s sharp tongue. Zap. Yank out Barb!

6 thoughts on “Barb the Impaler

  1. I had six laser treatments. Laser only works where there is pigment for the light to see and zap. I had a fair amount of dark hair left above and below my lips. The six treatments cleared that up, leaving behind the gray hair mixed with it. The rest of my face is gray and only electrolysis will take care of that. Well, has taken care of much of it. I’m around half done: WHEW!


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