I’m back to being who God wanted me to be. I’ve been reading my Bible every day, and all I could hear was God saying, ‘Well, you really need to go back to who I made you.’ I was a phony. I was a fraud. I always thought I needed to be important. I thought, ‘I’m going to be somebody, someday. I want to be famous, you know.’ Now, I do want to be famous; I want to be famous for God. Please, listen to this because without the Lord you have nothing. He’s the vine and we’re the branches. Without Him we can do nothing. I was too embarrassed. But, you have to stop. You have to stop and get help. This is the worst thing I think that anybody could do, is get involved in the sex industry or business. It destroyed me, but praise God I’m set free now.
Those words do not belong to me, but to the man in this video:
The comment introducing the video reads: “Transgender realizes he made a mistake. Here is his message to the world.” The video is 2:59 in length. I encourage you to watch it, but my comments will make sense if you do not. I present seven quotes from the video, which I pledge to keep in the context of his speech.
“I’m back to being who God wanted me to be.”
I truly hope he is correct, that the Lord wanted him to de-transition. I hope he is not merely putting up a good front while continuing to struggle.
I was told by many whom God wanted me to be. I regularly asked them to tell me how I am supposed to know whom God wanted me to be. If He so badly wanted me to live as a male, why was He silent to my pleas? He promises to answer our prayers when we pray according to His will, yet my cries for help, for mercy, for the strength to remain male, to stop hating myself, went unanswered. If it were His will, then why didn’t He help me so it would happen?
In that silence, I never prayed, “Well, it looks like you want me to transition. Thank you!” Rather, every step of the way, I have continually begged Him, “What do you want from me? I am your servant; please use me according to your good and gracious will.” And here I am, one step from being fully transitioned.
I did not decide to be this way. I did not choose to be transgender. I have a real, physical intersex condition. I was not created male. I was not created female. I was created a vexing combination of both. As with any person dealing with a chronic situation, I would gladly dispose of it. Since I cannot, I am doing my best with it.
“I’ve been reading my Bible every day, and all could hear was God saying, ‘Well, you really need to go back to who I made you.”
I also read my Bible every day. It is the first thing I do every morning—well, after I get the coffee going. Reading God’s Word and tying it with my ongoing, fervent prayers, I constantly ask Him to show me His good and gracious will and then help me to follow it. I often pray Psalm 25:5: “Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior and my hope is in you all day long.”
“I was a phony. I was a fraud.”
I have read of others, who de-transitioned, who report having felt like a fraud. I can report that there have been zero occasions when I felt like I was a phony, never a moment that I have felt that I am a fraud by living as a female. While I would never call Greg a phony or fraud, I, Gina, finally enjoy peace of mind, the lifelong fire in my brain having been doused. Indeed, I feel so fully female that I have to work to remember how I felt all my life, struggling with my gender identity.
“I always thought I needed to be important. I thought, ‘I’m going to be somebody, someday. I want to be famous, you know.’”
Whenever I listen to a person who has de-transitioned, I pay close attention. Walt Heyer is a vocal former transsexual and the subject of a blog post, and the key reason he did not find peace in transitioning is because he was misdiagnosed.
No matter a person’s situation, a correct diagnosis is vital lest improper treatment be prescribed. My own mother was once diagnosed with cancer. After an operation, her surgeon informed her that she did not have cancer. It was diverticulitis. Totally not life-threatening. Totally different treatment. As with anything, it is important to determine the cause of gender dysphoria.
The unnamed person of this video—and, because he is unnamed, and I cannot find a whit of information about him, makes me wonder if he is genuine—does not supply a lot of information about himself or what led to his diagnosis, but one wonders about this desire to be famous. Many people have done a lot of extreme things in their desire to be famous. That he was able to de-transition is serious grounds for questioning whether his motivation for transitioning had been bona fide.
“Now, I do want to be famous; I want to be famous for God.”
One continues to be concerned about this desire to be famous. Even if it’s for God.
“Please, listen to this because without the Lord you have nothing. He’s the vine and we’re the branches. Without Him we can do nothing.”
Agreed. Indeed, I have written, and will continue to write similar things, because Jesus Christ is everything and I am nothing without Him.
“I was too embarrassed. But, you have to stop. You have to stop and get help. This is the worst thing I think that anybody could do, is get involved in the sex industry or business. It destroyed me, but praise God I’m set free now.”
He doesn’t explain “too embarrassed,” but the sense is that he was too embarrassed to admit he had made a mistake by transitioning.
Though I am now finding success in transitioning, I did not get to this without trying to stop dozens of times. Most of the stops were small ones as I changed my mind every few days during 2013 and 2014, working so hard to remain male.
Three times, I stopped taking hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Each time I stopped, the anguish returned worse than each previous time. This helped me grasp the physical nature of my condition, the reason I had gender dysphoria, because my endocrine system had been disrupted when I was in the womb. The HRT proved it to me. It was not a decision to feel better or to feel worse; I felt better on HRT and I crashed when I went off it. I now have been on it for fifteen consecutive months and I no longer have gender dysphoria.
Now, for his revelation. He had been in the sex industry? I am very curious what this man did—what the transsexual woman did—in the sex industry. I certainly agree that being involved in the sex industry is a dangerous thing, a destructive thing. I praise God with him that he is set free from that.
Whoever made this video chose a poor subject. My ultimate assessment is that this is nothing more than a propaganda piece. The three minutes were spent in a poorly constructed argument, with a curious conclusion.
Finally, about the innocent people like the person who sent this to me, who are watching these videos, who are being tricked into believing they are watching something genuine, something worthwhile, something both to educate them and to enlighten me. I can only continue to demonstrate where things are being explained well and where they are exploitative.
People are being fed a lot of misinformation. That is why I will not sit quietly when folks send me things like this video.