Giggles, goofs, and gaffes

Declaring the solar eclipse potentially too dangerous for its citizens, the state of Indiana has outlawed it.

Local politicians weigh in:

Indiana state senator Phil I. Buster: “We studied the results of previous eclipses. Finding that 0.00017% of Americans suffered vision damage from the last eclipse, we simply could not take that risk. Besides, reports of excited school students and exhilarated adults concerned us. Indianans aren’t equipped to handle that much excitement.”

Representative Lesley Lature laid down the law, “Either the sun or the moon will have to shift its course when it cruises over our state. If not, they will have their Indiana rights and privileges revoked.”

When lawmaker Mr. Righteousindignation was found to have made plans to go to Ohio next week, the press pressed him. Fidgeting, he finally blurted out, “I have to go to my grandmother’s funeral!” Mr. Righteousindignation is 77. Why hadn’t the media been all over the death of his grandmother, who surely was the world’s oldest person?

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Facing fierce congressional pressure, I stand firm: I never met with a single Russian official during my transition.

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The man became addicted to communicating only by way of internet images. Some people are just so meme-spirited.

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I just got a job as a tour guide. My first tour will be to guide a group of tour guides who are in town to examine our museum’s historical collection of printed tour guides.

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When a medical examiner has died of a heart attack, was the fatal blow a coronerary?

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Rabbit pick-up line: “Come on, baby. Let your hare down.”

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When it comes to creeks, I might not be brook smart, but I have stream smarts.

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No longer am I only the gardener. That’s me, below.  I’ve been promoted to branch manager!


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