Here are some things that have recently popped into my head. As you read, please remember: Just because I have hare-brained ideas doesn’t automatically make me a dumb bunny . . . does it???
I just applied for a job in a hospital baby delivery room. Why? Because I like meeting new people.
My Google search informed me that they gave me 501 million results in 0.61 seconds. I showed them: I clicked on every one of them in 0.56 seconds.
There are two cannibal jokes of unknown origin that always make me laugh. One is this: Two cannibals are standing around a huge pot, such as the one in the cartoon, below. One cannibal says, “I don’t care for my mother-in-law.” The other replies, “Then just eat the vegetables.”
Here is the other joke:
I was inspired to come up with my own cannibal jokes. I managed to create three!
- One cannibal says to another, “What’s that you’re cooking? It looks like the leader of Saudi Arabia.” The other cannibal replies, “It is. I was in the mood for a protein sheikh.”
- Cannibal one: “I hate vegetables.” Cannibal two: “Then stop raiding the hospital’s ICU!”
- A cannibal tried starting his own religion, hoping to earn a living from member offerings. What made him an utter failure? He ate all of the prophets.
I wasn’t sure if I should be inoculated for my incessant idiocy, but I figured it was worth a shot.
Since I retired, I have taken over the job of cooking for the family. I’m not saying that I am a bad cook, but every time I call the family to the dinner table, I holler, “Come and regret it!”
Enjoying an afternoon snooze on my boat, another vessel came by fast enough to make the water bounce up and down, jerking me from my sleep. I leaped to my feet, shook my fist, and hollered, “This is a no wake zone!”
If the government shutdown continues, the following will take place:
Monday. Social Security checks, which have been mailed since January 1, will be removed from bank accounts.
Tuesday. All prisons will be emptied. Inmates will be instructed to return within one hour after the government starts back up.
Wednesday. The views at Grand Canyon will go dark.
Thursday. Old Faithful will go quiet.
Friday. The following will happen at Mount Rushmore:
Finally, every day the government is shut down. All taxes will both be collected and expected to be paid.